Eugh.

I have no desire to know anything about you, your life, or anything even remotely related to them. End of.

Looks like we made it.

Why don’t you just ask her yourself?

L.I.F.E.G.O.E.S.O.N

Deal with it.

Things;

Things I miss;
-A bed that doesn’t squeak
-Some friends

Things I don’t miss;
-The other friends
-General bitchy-ness
-Exams
-Home
-Most of my family.

Conclusions? I Really don’t care about much apart from being happy right now, and that’s made me think a lot of things about the people and things I actually want in my life, and the other one’s, who just mess me about and cause stress.

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Strange…

Isn’t it odd how rules and authority makes us want to rebel?

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Every Single One.

Everyone has the capacity for cruelty. I know I certainly do.

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And Sometimes…

I just do not care.

It’s probably cruel, but I’m wondering what exactly will happen once the bomb gets dropped…

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Blogged late again.

Blogging time again. I’m not sure why, but occasionally I do get the urge to write things. Often when things are playing on my mind, writing then all out helps me to get them into a more sensible order, and sometimes even helps me sort out problems I’ve been thinking about. Tonight though, I just feel like generally rambling on about whatever comes to mind and going with the flow.

Jess has next to no texts left for the next few days. Bugger. I mean, we were in Spain together for ten days where her phone wasn’t even working anyway, so how, in the summer holidays will it ever cope with the amount we like to say to each other? It’s much less when we’re at uni, because we see each other, usually more than once a day, but yeah, in the holidays that may be a cause of bad times.

I’m already packing for uni, and I don’t leave for another six and a half days. Crazy. When I say I’m packing, I mean I’m pretty much done packing. Just all my last minute things to go, really. It’s not that I’m in any particular rush to get back to uni this time, what with exams looming and pressure and revision both mounting. I’m just not really feeling being at home right now. It’s chaotic here. Sam’s broken his foot and ankle, so is in a cast, Becky is being Becky, Mum is being Mum and Rich is trying his best. I just don’t really feel like I fit in really, despite loving my family very much. I also believe that, on a subconscious level, I’m preparing to leave them for good. Not as in never see them again, but more start really living on my own and being more independent. I even suggested to Mum that she gets rid of my mattress or gives it to someone, so that there’s more room for my sister. I said that when I came to visit I could just use the spare duvets and blow up the double air bed. In my mind, I think I’ve already made up my mind that there isn’t enough room for me here anyway. In more than one way, I guess there isn’t.
I feel quite sad thinking about all that. Especially how in September or before, I’ll be moving into a house with six other people, all of us paying rent to a landlord and living together as students and as adults. Practically all of my possessions will be put into that house, for at least two years. I can already imagine how amazing it’ll be, but at the same time, I can already bring to mind all the things I’ll be leaving behind. I like to think my family need me, but in reality they don’t at all. For the two terms I’ve left them to sort themselves out, nobody has been killed, nothing has been destroyed, nobody has moved out… The lot of them have just gotten on with it. It’s not been like an integral cog from a watch has been taken out; the whole place hasn’t drawn to a halt. No, it’s more like one of the rarely used keys on the computer keyboard has been removed, yes it’s occasionally mildly annoying that it’s no longer there when you need it, but most of the time you don’t notice and everything continues as normal. I guess that just adds to the feeling of dislocation. Hmm…

On the topic of dislocation, I turned my knee earlier this evening, my good knee that is, and it made a horrible popping noise. It’s still hurting now, although it doesn’t feel like it has dislocated or any permanent damage has been done (Y)

Six hundred and thirty six words down. Not sure what else I should write. This’ll probably look pretty pitiful next to the 2.5k beast that I churned out near the end of my holiday in Spain, but I guess that had given me a lot to talk about and right now there’s not exactly much in my life that I can bore you with.

I’m not sure what to do with the bottle of sourz in my room. It’s not exactly easy to explain it… It’s not empty, but it doesn’t have liquid in, it has paper. Lots of small pieces of paper. Anyway, I guess I’ll have to take it to uni with me. I could claim it’s a decorative work in progress perhaps. Anything would seem slightly less insane than what it actually is.

Sorted out my lift for actually getting me and my things back to uni and thank the lord I didn’t have to ask Chimpy (the not exactly affectionate nickname both myself and my uncle have given to my granddad). I have in fact asked my uncle to provide transportation. So we’re going up in his truck. It won’t be fast, but it’ll get there come hell or high water. Should be a good laugh. I really enjoy spending time with Simon, we have a laugh. I used to be quite intimidated by him when I was younger, and I guess a bit in awe of him too, but I’m a bit more grown up now, and genuinely enjoy his company and his sense of humour. I still remember how good he was when my gran had a heart attack. I was really confused and upset (I was about 13), and as well as making sure gran was ok and calling the ambulance and everything else he made time to take me aside, give me something to do for a little while and check on me every ten minutes or so. Then, when gran was safely in hospital and stable, he took me out for lunch at the place near gran’s that I like to go and we had a pint (Mine had lemonade to make it weaker) , and we just talked about loads of things. Not once did he crack, and let what must have been a torrent of anxiety and fear out, not once did he snap or be short with me. If he hadn’t been there that day I probably would have been a mess for a long time afterwards.

Eugh, I’m getting all emotional and nostalgic. Fuck that for a barrel of fish. Got invited to Hanley by Emmy tonight, which was nice. I’m glad that not everyone has forgotten me. Hanley really isn’t my thing though, so I’m going to see her and Jon for coffee on Wednesday. Though I don’t drink coffee so will probably have hot chocolate or something. It’s given me an extra thing to look forward to which is nice. Plus, when I have a plan for my day I tend to get more done because I know what the structure is like and how much of what I can do when. If I don’t have at least a vague plan I tend to get side tracked and distracted into wasting a lot of time, and actually doing very little.

That’ll do for tonight I think. My finger is bleeding where I bit my nail earlier and it’s making it a bit painful to type. Night night all, or perhaps some other greeting depending on when I manage to post this and when you manage to read it.

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