Too little, too late.

Right. I use the phrase “I had a deprived childhood” to cover for my ignorance on subjects like nursery rhymes and to explain why I never did things as a child that everyone else seems to have done.

It’s not exactly accurate. I wasn’t deprived like a starving African child is. Nor was I deprived like an orphaned Russian boy would be. I was and am however, the eldest of three children, all dependant on my single mother. So, as you can imagine, money has always been tight. Mum has tried her best, but I don’t get expensive things for birthdays or Christmas. Fact.

I don’t mind. It’s fair enough. Life is like that. I accepted that long ago. The outcome has been however, a rather materialistic streak right down the middle of my personality, and little things that most people don’t pick up on.

I mean, I’ll “open up” to most people, without a second thought, but really what I’m doing is dealing with people in a way I know and understand. They get the top layer. I’m really more than that, and the truth is that the more perceptive of people know it. Which tends to be why people expect more from me that I’m willing to give, a lot of the time.

Jess however, seems to rip through most of my layers and claw out the bits that have been hidden for a long, long time.

Anyway, I know I’m not making sense, but I don’t care.

The camera. It’s a DSLR. I know. Expensive, but quality. Lower end of the top end. Whatever. You guys have cameras. Course you do. If I want one, I’ll have to work, then buy it months after I needed it. Life. Yeah. Fuck it, whatever. That’s fine.

What happens when I just don’t fit anywhere? My own fault I guess. Lazy, self-destructive, defeatist.

Mental break down? Don’t know how. Anyway, I’d only go and mess it up.

x

Effort.

Well, it’s been a very long and rather eventful weekend. I mean, it’s wednesday now, so technically we’re past the weekend, but due to strikes and stuff, I’ve not had any lectures this week yet

Anyway, the weekend, yeah. Twig, Emmy and Jon were here, visiting Leicester. Picnics, COD, Angry Birds, MOSH. It was a damn good weekend. I definitely had fun and laughed a lot.

I guess we bored Emmy a bit, with talk of skiing, playing COD and Frisbee and generally messing around.

I’m not really in a writing mood. Sorry.

Laterz.

x

Sorry guys.

Can’t figure out why songs 5 and 6 aren’t working.

x

30 day song challenge.

In the words of Becky Potts;

“I’ve left it too late to start this on Facebook, too many people are doing it and I’m too impatient to wait 30 days.”
So I’m going to overload your senses with thirty days of me related music right now

.

Day1. Your favourite song – Love it so much.

The Hounds of Love, by the Futureheads. (Originally by Kate Bush)

Day 2. Least favourite song – Just annoying in every way.

Forget you – ClubWaver Remix.

Day 3. A song that makes you happy –

Infant Sorrow – Furry Walls

Day 4. A song that makes you sad – Gets to me.

Broken – Seether ft. Amy Lee

Day 5. A song that reminds you of someone – Someone lovely

Slide – Goo Goo Dolls

Day 6. A song that reminds you of somewhere – Red Block!

Barbara Streisand – Duck Sauce

Day 7. A song that reminds you of a certain event – New years at Blandys

Barbie Girl – Aqua

Day 8. A song you know all the words to – Tune

L. G. Faud – Motion City Soundtrack

Day 9. A song you can dance to – Mosh to

Step Up – Enter Shikari

Day 10. A song that makes you fall asleep – Mmmm

Jose Gonzalez – Heartbeats

Day 11. A song from your favourite band – Love love love them

Bubbles – Biffy Clyro

Day 12. A song from a band you hate – More dislike, but meh.

When I Grow Up – Pussycat Dolls

Day 13. A song that is a guilty pleasure – Yes, I fail.

Jessie J – Do It Like A Dude

Day 14. A song that no one would expect you to love.

B.o.B – Lovelier Than You

Day 15. A song that describes you

Take it or Leave it – Jet

Day 16. A song you used to love but now hate

Scouting For Girls – Heartbeat

Day 17. A song you hear often on the radio.

Slash – “Beautiful Dangerous” (feat Fergie)

Day 18. A song you wish you heard on the radio

Break your little heart – All time Low

Day 19. A song from your favourite album

Maroon 5 – Harder to Breathe

Day 20. A song you listen to when you’re angry

Maroon 5 – Sunday Morning

Day 21. A song you listen to when you’re happy

Graham Coxon – Freakin’ Out

Day 22. A song you listen to when you’re sad

Biffy Clyro – Many of Horror

Day 23. A song that you want to play at your wedding

Caesars – Jerk It Out

Day 24. A song you want played at your funeral

Imogen Heap – Hide and Seek

Day 25. A song that makes you laugh

Charlie Sheen Bi-Winning Dubstep

Day 26. A song that you can play on instrument.

Blink 182 – Carousel

Day 27. A song you wish you could play

Zebrahead – Anthem

Day 28. A song that makes you feel guilty

Artbreaker I – Kids in Glass Houses

Day 29. A song from your childhood

Witch Doctor – Ooh Eeh Ooh Ah Aah Ting Tang Walla Walla Bing

Day 30. Your favourite song this time last year

The Ataris – Boys of Summer

Finished

I’ve finished off Twigs section on the people page, added a pic and corrected the spelling and grammar. Good times.

You don’t have too, but if you’re on there could you maybe comment? I dunno. Twig did and it feels kind of right.

x

10,002 Guests

FUCK YEAH
x

Almost there.

Finally done what I said and added to my people page. Took a lot of thought and emotion and the holding back of tears, but it’s done.

There’s no picture up for twig yet, because I forgot that I can’t add a picture if I’m in uni. I’ll do that tonight.

x

Ahhhh, spam,

Thou art a heartless bitch. Building up my hopes then crushing them so swiftly and comprehensively.

Might do his people page later in my gap between my 10 till 12 lectures and my 2 till 4 workshop.
Fingers crossed.

x

Well…

The number of views today just shot up form 2 to 18 in under a minute of posting my last update. That’s an odd sensation.

My DSI’s internet connection still isn’t working properly, and Nintendo being the giant faceless corperation that they are, quite honestly don’t guve a shit. I think I’ve found a way to remedy the situation though, so we will have to wait and see If my idea does work it could be very usefull indeed for my whole system in my room

In other news, I have an option lecture and labs that I really can’t be arsed with this afternoon. Fun times.

x

I’m aware.

I’m aware I didn’t get round to adding to my people page over the weekend. Sorry. I ended up being quite busy.

I will do it. He need to be added. It probably won’t be today though.

x

Unnecessary.

It really is unnecessary for me to be doing all this mulit-posting. I mean, four posts yesterday, and this is my third today. Jesus. Anyone would think I’ve got nothing better to do with my life or something…

Wait, wait, I don’t have anyhting better to do right now Awesome

Right… WEhat was the point of this post again? I’ve completely forgotten… Damn…

[Some time later]

OH! I remember! Yeah, ok. Here goes…

I’m a bitch. I know it, most of you know it. It’s true. I don’t mind admitting it. I’m a bitchy person, and talking about the flaws of people I don’t like is something that I do fairly often. Certain people bring it out in me moreso, but in general, I’m a bitch. Some say I should change. “Its not a nice charicter trait”, etc, etc. Meh. That’s so not going to happen. I mean, I strongly believe in a person being who they are, not being who people want them to be.
I am a bitch, and I’m not going to become a different person because you don’t want me to be like I am. Fuck you. I do however, not believe in any way shape or form, that being a bitch is a good thing. So here’s my advice, to myself and to you, if you don’t like who you are, or a part of what you are, don’t change who you, just tweak and alter how you are, to become the same you, but in a format that you approve of.
‘Cause lets face it, when it all comes down to it, there are only two people who you should be trying to gain the approval of. The first is you, the second (if He exists at all), is God. Now, lets keep things simple for now, and just talk about you. If you are happy with the you that you are, then my friend, everything is as it should be and there’s no need to even consider being any differnet at all.
If however, you have come to the conclusion that part of you is not how you’d like it to be, then think about it. Just think about what you want to be. You’ll get it, you’re smart people out there in reality.
As for me, I’m going to cut back on the bitch comments. Keep the majority to myself and not encourage bitchy-ness in others. Not because anyone told me to, but because that’s whta I want to do.

Good times eh?

I always have a plan

x

Also;

I’ve not yet finished editing my about me page. The one listed under my name. Don’t judge yet, it’s a work in progress.

I aim to do at least one more person on my people page this weekend. Someone who should have been on there from the start.

I’ve also decided not to delete she who must not be named. It’s my blog, and I’ll do what I like

x

Achievement.

100 views yesterday exactly. On the dot. I’m well impressed at that Thank you guys. Thank you all.

x

And yet sometimes…

I can be such a fool. There’s one person on my people page who never deserved to be there. A false idol. I’ve made mistakes, but that delusion may have been one of my worst. Perhaps I’ll delete it, perhaps not. It may serve as a reminder for me to not make the same mistake many times over.

There are however some small things that never change.

I’ve just read over my people page. I wasn’t wrong, it’s definitely not complete. It’s missing some very important people. Even so, what I’ve done so far just made me well up. I’ve always been pretty emotional when it comes to things like that, and reading my heart and soul laid out in typed word just caught me off guard. I promise I’ll add to that page soon. Some of you deserve a spot.

x

Back, crack, smack.

Those of you who have viewed this blog before today, and have eyes, may have noticed the change of look. Change of theme. The CHANGE. Yeah, I’ve done it again. Probably the forth, maybe fifth time I have, in fact. The whole thing gives off a completely different feel, right? You’re damn right it does. And, a point here, to just settle a point before it comes up as a question in comment form (That’s not to say I don’t like comments, I love them, just that I may as well explain here to save both of us some time), and tell you why the change has occurred. My blog, my online representation of myself has hereby changed so that it better represents me. A tad wishy-washy I guess, but that’s the most straight forward way I can think of to put it. Basically, I’m different, so my blog is different.

Anyway, it may not seem to you that I’m all that different. I mean, my writting style is still imperfect and not really different from any other time at which I’ve been writing, but hey, it’s deeper than that. I don’t feel the same as a person, you see. I’m happier in general and have chosen a lighter, brighter theme to reflect this. Perhaps I’m a little wiser, I’m certainly older. So yeah. Times change, things change, people change, we move on, we build, we learn and so life continues.

What’s new in my life since I last blogged then, I hear nobody ask…
Well, I’ll tell you anyway. I think I was just back with Jess when I last blogged, but I’m not sure, so I should explain all that. We broke up for a few weeks, just to cool off and try being separate, in case we had made a mistake in getting together so soon after meeting. MISTAKE. No, it wasn’t too soon. No I didn’t enjoy not being with Jess. Yes we did get back together. Yes we are happy together I mean, sure, we have our moments, like any two people who spend large amounts of time together, sometimes we differ in opinion, but we don’t let it divide us and I really feel that she makes my life better with her presence.

I never found out what happened to my JCR card, but I’ve got a new one, so everything is fine.

The long awaited Leicester invasion fun times event, is forever drawing nearer. In fact, it’ll be happening eight days from now. Excitement and nervousness on that one so far, but mostly excitement. Seeing five out of six of my best friends from home all on one day

I did indeed visit home to see the kittens like I said I was going to. They were insanely small and cute and lovely Family was all good, and happy enough as far as I could tell.

Gran and Roy came to visit me for a little while the other afternoon which was pretty cool They brought food and stuff and we had a good chat about all manner of random things.

I still stand by what I said at the end of my last post. I find it odd how much I miss seeing some of my friends, and also strange how I don’t really miss others at all.

My body has taken to clicking and cracking in very odd places at random times. Weird.

I smoked weed for the first time the other night.

Realised I really don’t like blogging on demand. If someone’s expecting me to write stuff, I never know what to write. Insane, but that’s how I roll apparently. I also don’t like people watching me as I’m blogging. It akes me self conscious and turns up the censorship dial a few notches. For example, I’m not exactly gonna mention something I think they might take exception to with them peering over my shoulder now, am I? Well I could, but I’m just not really like that.

I think getting annoyed at people reading over my shoulder is something I’ve picked up from my mum, like my dislike of frogs.

I enjoy blogging. It feels like I’m working out my fingers. Yeah, I know that sounds weird, but it really does. I haven’t done it for a while, and it feels like I’m out of practise at typing, which I am. Little things do tend to amuse me.

Music is lifting my mood higher and higher at the moment. Good times Maybe that’s the relentless, but I really wanna sing. I miss the Kytes. I miss Stilled Motion. I even miss the weekend project.

Anyway, I’m probably gonna leave it here for now. I’ve got a lecture in an hour, and I had hoped I’d get some work done between now and then, though I don’t hold much hope… Still, at least I’m trying.

I apologise for the grammatical and spelling mistakes, and if I’ve made up any words. I’m not using chrome so it doesn’t check these things for me, and we all know that without technology having my back I’m practically retarded.

Remember, I always have a plan and I’m good at listening if you need me. Whenever, wherever. So see you all later, ok?

x