Emotional Fireworks and Fashionable Eloquence

Ok, I’m not exactly sure what too write about right now, I guess there was no flash of inspiration today, but a vague urge to write something down. I suppose I’ll just waffle on about this or that and hopefully something worth reading will appear in the midst of it all. So yeah, there you have it even “writers” have mental block sometimes… I guess that’s why they named it ‘writer’s block’. Mmm…

Right, anywho, t right the word anywho I just had to add it to the google chrome dictionary. I also had too add google. Which I thought quite odd. Ok, I suppose I should contextualise that. The internet browser I use, Google Chrome, has a built in spelling checker. It’s a godsend. I love it. Unfortunately it doesn’t recognise slang, abbreviations, dialectal words or colloquialisms. Over the past few months of using the system I’ve been quite surprised as to how many of these little grammatical anomaly’s I actually use. It’s a lot. But yeah, I know full well anywho isn’t a real word, but that doesn’t mean I won’t use it. That’s the word I would say, so that’s the word I will write.

Moving swiftly onwards I was up at 7.30am today. It’s both a curse and a gift that I have a kind of sense that somebody is going to text me. I had to ninja stealth steal back the laptop from my sisters room, but I managed it without waking her up for once. Stuck the phone on charge and there we go. Received two texts about 7.37am. Weird. One made me smile in a sad and emotionally charged way, the other made me a tiny bit jealous and a tiny bit annoyed. Oh well. I thought about going back to sleep, but it was bright outside s that went out of the window. Been surfing the net and pissing about ever since. Had a banana with my breakfast Feeling today will be a good day. Not sure why, but the banana definitely gave me that impression.

So, the plan for today? Well, Piss about on the computer, work on finding the last two Xmas presents I haven’t got yet. Maybe going to gran’s tonight, she hasn’t got back to me yet, so god knows. Going to re-do the third C3 maths paper, and probably do Mr. Linney’s Statistics miscellaneous 9 homework as well. I’ll almost surely get distracted by “Wizards First Rule” by Terry Goodkind, that Steve has given me to read, but oh well I don’t really have much else to do, I’ve quite a boring life.

Speaking of having nothing to do, last nights plans went to s**t. Andy and Dave Robinson, the guitarist and drummer respectively, for The Weekend Project, both have the flu. This meant that practise didn’t happen. I asked around for someone to hang with to alleviate the boredom, but at that late a conjecture I knew chances were slim, and I was proved correct. No dice. Nothing doing. Not a cats chance in hell.

Tim will have a good weekend though. All the people we both know in the year above are back from uni, and are all going out on the town. With Tim being only seventeen this proved an issue for him. So he ask to borrow my I.D. and I said why not. I mean, It’s not like I was going to use it anyway. I’ve helped make him and his girlfriend and their friends happy, so I suppose I should be happy.

Tim didn’t make it to band practise on Wednesday night. Stilled Motion had a practise with a man down, but Jamie’s score for the Xmas medley seemed to a very good standard and me, him and blandy battered through it gaining a general gist of what we need to do. Three practises till we go on live. We can do it no problem

The next gig I have coming up though isn’t that one, it’s at the Windmill in Werrington with The Weekend Project (gotta love the alliteration). Back up about two weeks, when I was told about the gig, and you’ll see me not altogether happy with the short time span in which I needed to learn a lot. Flick forward to just after then and you’ll see the band members all reassuring me it’ll be fine and we’d get four full practises in before the gig so we’d all know everything easily. Last weekend Jack and Tom were in London, so I got a half practise with Andy and Dave. Then this week, Andy has uni work every night apart from last night, so that’s another practise lost, then last night illness strikes. Another one bites the dust. That leaves Sunday. ONE practise. Not four. And that one will only happen if Andy and Dave aren’t still ill. God damn it. I’m not looking forward to this gig, if that will even go ahead at this rate. Gah.

In other band related news, Ben, Andy and Dave want a meet. We intend to find a name, pick some songs, have a jam and decide if we work well enough to be a band. Sweet as. Unfortunately they chose Wednesday next week, so I had to put the kibosh on that one. Stilled Motion practise on a Wednesday. I think we will pick another day on Sunday, if TWP have a practise then, and then tell Ben in college.

Great. £30.83 in my account. I have two presents to buy. Blocks. Sister will have to wait till I get my EMA next week. Pfft.

Mum applied for a job on my behalf yesterday. She told me this at the one time that if would most piss me off (When I’m cooking my own tea at 7.55pm, seeing as she told me she’d bring me something back around 6pm, then didn’t bother). I hate cooking with other people in the house. I have to pretend I’m sane and it gives me no job. I actually love cooking, just not with my family around. Anyway, she tells me she’s put me in for a job on the Xmas rush at next or new look or somewhere shit anyway. I was like, “Thanks for asking me. When is it? What hours? What days? What pay?” and she explodes and has a massive go at me for being ungrateful. I only wanted to know the bloody detail of what exactly she’s put me down to do. Turns out she doesn’t even know. Stupid woman.

Just got a text from Gran, I’m going to hers tonight. Sorted. I’m just negotiating when and how I like my gran. She’s basically the embodiment of everything it is to be a cool gran.

Don’t trust a hoe, never trust a hoe, won’t trust a hoe, don’t trust me.

Grrr…

I had a proper creating night the other day Was awesome I drew on my music folder, wrote some story ides, wrote on some other stuff, thought interesting thoughts, drew doodles on paper, had a brainwave and organised my music folder (ironically it’s the only folder I have that is organised, and it doesn’t actually contain any college work at all).

Oh Well Going to Cheadle to grab some pens (Y) fun. Laterz.

xxx

Rape is an issue. The current rape awareness campaign highlights that. I’d just like to join in with raising awareness of rape, by selling an item very close to my heart. I’ll post a picture below. Any offers then email me at; Gotchadumass@retardmail.co.uk.

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Morning All by the way

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You back-stabbing b***h! I actually can’t f***ing believe you. Best friend my arse. Go die for all I care, if your going to pull more stunts like that. I’d be better off without you.
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Night All.

Just thought I’d say goodnight to this day and yesterday tpp. It’s been an, eventful in a monotonous and completely “out of the blue” kind of way, couple of days. Confusion. Yeah. Talked to a few people I didn’t expect too. Talked to some people I did. Arranged a lot of things. Cancelled a few others. Did some jobs. Lazed around. Did some tests. Reviewed some others. Bruised a bit. Healed a little. Smiled a lot. Frowned a bit. Made some decisions. Regretted a few others. Caused some firsts. Won some points. Given out points. Told the truth. Missing some people. Not missing others. Hating my emotions. Loving my feelings. Flirted. Comforted. Tried to sing. I’ve done a lot, and it’s all ended up a bit mushed up.

I’ve been sitting here patiently, I’ve been talking to myself.
Trying to shake that sinking feeling, wishing I was somebody else.
An I know it’s not easy, when you don’t get what you deserve.
You can say that you love me, but that’s not what I’ve heard.

Gah.
Today’s going to be a very long one.
Up at 4am. No texts, phones dead.
Can’t charge it as I’d need the laptop, Becky has the laptop. Damn.
Breakfast at 6.30am, after tossing turning and resorting to music.
8am, I stole the laptop from the sister’s room.
Put phone on Charge. Still no texts.
Music went louder, in the headphones of course.
Can’t wake Mum up, my life would be forfeit.

—And just to interject on that note, I’ve just heard her, she’s awake. My brothers fault. Sheeee-it she’s pissed off. lol. I’d actually be surprised to see him reach eleven at this rate. Meh. —

9am, I realised I have bugger all to do today
Crap
Right now, I’m chatting to Millington, writing this, and pissing about to facebook apps. This is not a productive use of my day and therefore I have decided to do something. Perhaps fix my bike or go swimming? Well, I can’t do either till 12 noon, as the rents won’t be up, but I might later on. I really do fancy a good bike ride or a swim.

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The above was supposed to be published and posted this morning. As you can now tell, it wasn’t. Fail. Oh well, it means this bit to follow won’t have to be a separate post. Not that it being separate would be a bad thing, but meh.

Ok, so, I’ve just been sent out in the cold to fetch my brother, but he wasn’t wear I was told he would be so fudge him. He can find his own way home. I’ve stood in the church of a Christian faith that is not my own and out the freezing cold for 45 minutes, so he can go get f**ked if he thinks I’m going to ever be nice to him now. Harsh yes, but I don’t like him.

Went and got an energy drink on the way home They had no ordinary “Relentless”, so I thought sod it all, and bought myself a “Relentless; Juiced Energy”. And on the pleasantly numb (due to cold) walk home, I got bored and decided to read the squiggly writing on my can of beverage. Well, I wasn’t half bemused.

1– the first bit reads thus;

Relentless Juiced Energy is an orange and tropical fruit energy drink, with 50% juice and 100% energy.

Ok, yes I have issues with their can designer or whatever they call the guy who decided what the can should look like, and more importantly what this bit should say. He is clearly an idiot. For the first part, he decides to state the obvious. Smooth. The second part though, well, someone need to slap this guys maths teacher, because 100% + 50% = 150%, which is more than the total amount in the bloody can. And don’t even get me started on how exactly you can get a measurement of the percentage of the can made of freaking energy, because if you think about it in physics terms then everything IS energy, in a different form, and therefore everything IS 100% energy, and if that’s the direction in which they decided to take that sentence, then we come right back full circle to STATING THE BLOODY OBVIOUS. Jesus.

Anyway, number 2 — The second bit reads thus;

MORNING HAS BROKEN.
And I have felt
A presence that disturbs me with the joy
Of elevated thought; a sense sublime
Of something far more deeply interfused,
Whose dwelling is the light of setting suns,
And the round ocean and the living air,
And the blue sky, and the mind of man;
A motion and a spirit that impels.

See I just quoted that from an energy drink can, and they quoted it from Wordsworth.

They quote someone clever, saying something clever and think it’ll make them sound cleverer or more refined. Fools. It’s an energy drink can for Gods sake. Meh, rant over

It tasted pretty funky overall to be honest. I liked it. Thought I swear I could taste the sugar and chemicals trickling down my throat,and how incredibly bad for me they probably are. Oh well I’m buzzing now.

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A certain persons Christmas present came just now Made me smile quite a lot. My gosh it’s so suited. Lovely I’m going to make said person smile I think. Yay.

Just been watching System of a Down live on youtube, they’re actually pretty awesome, although a little bit freaky at times.

Ok, so I just logged onto my msn and the boxes that pop up at the side usually telling you who’s on-line popped up, and I looked at them and thought… All those people are my ex’s. All the people it displayed in the boxes that popped up are ex-girlfriends. I just thought to myself, “Christ, I’ve got to stop dating my friends.” Haha. Oh the amusement.

Ok, so last night I cooked my own tea for the first time in ages, seeing as Gem was coming round and I wasn’t sure what time. My family went out, but I was like, “I’ve got to stay, in case she turns up early”. So I cooked. I love cooking. And I love having a free house. It was bliss. Loud music and even louder singing from me, as I cooked sausages, curly fries and peas, with BBQ sauce Yummy. Then Gemma came round and we watched American Pie. I’d forgotten how much of a great film it is Then the family came home and annoyed me, but never mind

Don’t know what the family are doing tonight, but I’m putting my jacket on the flaw. Ok, that probably doesn’t make any sense to anyone. Right, if you put anything substantial on the flaw behind my door, the forces of friction turn it into a locking mechanism. I was bored one day and decided to find out what worked best at this, and it turned out to be my leather jacked. That’s why I keep it on the back of my door, just in case I need some privacy, I can just “accidentally” knock the jacket onto the flaw with minimal hassle. (Y) So like I said, the jackets going on the flaw tonight. It’s a chilling night with no family interaction beyond the evening meal and helping to clear up Haha. Anti-social bugger me

Just reviewed a friends personal statement for her, it’s so much better than mine :/ Balls. Oh well, too late to go back now xP

Blogged out, laterz peeps

xxx

Ok, there’s a lot going on in my life at the moment.

I’m in two bands, so I have practises all over the shop for both. I’ve got upcoming gigs with both and I’m very nervous and very excited.
www.myspace.com/theweekendprojectband – The Weekend Project, punk-rock-indie fun and some good music too — Windmill, Werrington, 7th Dec.
And of course Stilled Motion, who will be next appearing in the Xmas Concert/Talent Show at Moorlands VI Form, Cheadle, 19th Dec.

It was my gran’s birthday last night, we all went to hers and had a fantastic indian take away. Most of the whole family attended Me, Sis, Bro, Mum, Andre, Gran, Uncle Simon, Amy, and the dogs. Was quite funny, both talking to my Gran and Simon, both I get on with really well, and also watching how horrifically fake my close family are. We all know that Becky and Mum hate each other, me and Andre hate each other, and everyone hates Sam, but the table was all jokes and smile. It was as if it was painted on with a a plastic cast, that as soon as we were away from gran’s feel away to arguing and resentment. I couldn’t help but find it bloody hilarious. Maybe that’s just twisted humour on my part…

Recently sent off my UCAS form for uni, pretty terrified as to how that’ll go, but it’s done now. Not ever sure if I want to do physics any more, but meh, why not? lol

Got stuff happening with new friends, old friends people who I’ve just met and all sorts, most of which I’m not allowed to mention for one reason or another. I do like hanging out in the controversy and the issues, make me feel less weird for having so many issues of my own. haha. I do love my friends, old and new

A certain person insists on dropping bombshells. ‘Nuff Said. *Sigh*

“Yeah Darling gonna make it happen,
Take the world in a love embrace”

“BORN TO BE WILD!”

I’m feeling a tad rebellious today… and I think I know why… I’m not sure… I might say something… We’ll see.

“Go on just say it, you need me like a bad habit”

So that’ll do for today, though I’m really enjoying writing right now… Hmm… Oh well.

Morning all xxx

Should have seen that one coming.

Is a happiness shrouded in unhappiness, better than no happiness at all?

Having love on your wrists is one thing, but having a broken heart there means more.

You can’t drown out thoughts with music. You can try.

Today we mourn the death of hope.

Good Day to you all, have a safe journey home.

I’m not talking art. No. What I ,mean by surrealism is the situation that very occasionally occurs where at a certain time and place, for only a short time and only in that place, everything seems to come together to create a situation that quite simply defies all logic and explanation, and just occasionally that situation conspires to become the most amazing scenario that has ever occurred.

Ok, that won’t make much sense to anyone, not that it matters, but yeah. That’s that, and I’m me, your you, so let’s continue.

Right, so you have the surrealist experience that shocks your nerves into confusion and makes you tingle all over, it breaks your mind than pus it back together in a more soothing way, it smashes reason and logic and forces you to live in the moment, too ecstatic for rational thought. And for that short time in that one place, you, and the world, are at peace. Everything fits, as it should, and life is good.

Then. It. Ends.

Yeah, the phrase “all good things must come to an end” is horrific. It is evil.

Unfortunately for you, no matter how much you hate the phrase it’s still accurate. And so the surrealism comes to an end. you find yourself crushed by the weight of reality and every last tear rolling down your cheek, is a silent lament for the death of a temporary perfection. Pop. Slap yourself for being so naive to think that it might last. What a ridiculous notion, for you to believe, for you to hold dear, for you to wish for. How pathetic.

You fall asleep breathing the last vapours of fiction as the feelings fade, the tingling stops and reality hits you like an articulated lorry. Your sleep isn’t physically disturbed, but still you toss and turn, you burn with self pity to the point where sleep evades you, and the mental self-torture prevents rest.

Stop. You stop. Consider. Steel yourself against the lack, the missing piece of yourself that left when your moment ended. Calm. There’s no reason to pity yourself. It’ll pass. There will be a conclusion, you just have to sit tight and wait for it. Your not good at being patient are you though? Fool. Don’t give up.

That’ll do. I think I’ve confused everyone enough for one post.

x

Having a lazy day. I think I deserve it. Everything is getting there, although nothing is yet sorted. It’s progress, I
like progress, progress relieves the stress that comes of lack of progress Jack Johnson, turned up full. Feck yeah, I’m that chilled out.

x

F.U.C.K everything. F.U.C.K it all. I don’t want too be me, because it’s not worth the pain. I want out, and I want out now. Why is nothing ever simple? Why can’t something just click into place and make me a better person, who makes better decisions?

F.U.C.K. it all.

I hate you, I love you, I hate that I love you. F.U.C.K. Emotions should go and die in a very big hole.

Gah. I hate tears too. Why is this so hard? The only one I had to keep my distance from and I couldn’t do it? You manage it with everyone else, why not her? I don’t know. It’s because your stupid. A retard. A defect. A failure.

I have no reason to be unhappy, not a real reason anyway. God. I should shut up and die. night.

Reasons I hate X-box:

-It’s a c0ck-munching-piece-of-tanking-blocks-sh1te-crap-that-can’t-do-the-fudging-thing-it-was-barstolling-desighed-to-freaking-do!

Yup, mines still broken. Taking up draw space. I really am in the mood too “ice some fools” on some sort of epically violent shooting game. Damn.

Oh well, back to doing work.

Updates:
- The people List.
- Thomas Joshua Banner.